How to Respond to Compliments

You might have known that I love giving praises to other people. However, it is a different case when I am the one to receive them. Yep. Getting praises or compliments - as flattering as it is - is one of the most awkward situations for me. Not saying that I'm not happy to receive them, it's just... I don't know exactly how to respond to them.
The right and elegant way to receive compliments is, without doubt, by saying thank you. However, this simple way just doesn't work for me HAHA Somehow I feel that... if I say thank you, it means that I am elevating my own self. An alternate way of boasting. So I always respond, awkwardly, by saying, "Ah, kamu nih bisa aja, gak sepintar kamu lha." or "Ah, kamu juga pintar." or "Ah, kamu juga cantik banget tauuu!" or "Ah, masa sih, pasti kurang asin yaa masakan aku?". *For you who don't speak Indonesian, those just basically say "Ah, you too are very smart/beautiful!" or "Ahh, not as good as you lah!".

I've always taken this way of responding for granted. Never really think it through of what it implies of me. Well.. Something happened to me last week that made me start to think about it more seriously.

Here goes. I'm taking Conflict Resolution class this semester, which is taught by the same lecturer I had two semesters ago in my Indonesian Politics class, Mr. Mangadar. I happened to have the highest score in the previous class taught by him, which was 90. He said that for 20 years he's been teaching, never had he granted anyone a 90 or above score. But he did to me. And apparently, he remembers me since that day forth. Which... brings me to the event I was about to tell you.
Last week, in the first meeting of my Conflict Resolution class, Mr Mangadar began with an introduction of the course. Then he recognized me and Lydia (she was in my Indonesian Politics class as well, and she got the second-rank) sitting on the front row, and said to the whole class, "I had these two amazing ladies in my previous class two semesters ago. They are very active in class, and they managed to get very good marks. I am so glad to have you two again in my class, and I expect the same from you two this semester, or even more! *chuckles*" Then the whole class applauded.
I blushed so hard that I looked like a boiled prawn. Lydia took the compliments and the applause beautifully: laughing, saying thank you, and waved a little. I, on the other hand, could only look down, smiled shyly while moving uncomfortably in my chair, managed of saying nothing. HAHA very contrast, no?

Well, it got me thinking ever since. I will be working in the field of International Relations. I just can not get into that field not knowing of how to respond to a simple compliment!

So I did a little reflection.
My inability to receive compliments by simply saying thank you, I found out, shows a hint of low self-confidence that occasionally takes place in me, and a trace of my tendency to think too much of what people think of me. Why so?
Well. If I can't accept compliments for what I've achieved, then it means that I don't believe in my self that much. I can't take my achievements as the result of my work (even as I write this I still feel that I am boasting of my work and that I deserve a good result) hhas it's wrong, I know! It's a very twisted way of thinking that needs some fixing! It is made worse by my worrying that if I merely say thank you, people will think that I take the compliments so easily, as if I do think so highly of myself. SEE? It's very sick the way I think, right??? hhas

And therefore, I have made some resolutions to myself.
1) To respond to a compliment with casual laugh and 'thank you'.
2) If it's still difficult for me to do, I will throw back a compliment to accompany my 'thank you'.
3) When I have reached 'higher level' (:p), I would only throw back a compliment if I really feel it in my heart - not just as an automatic response due to my awkwardness.

It's hard, I know. But I believe that the way we respond to things shows the real us. And if it's me, I want it to show that I have the confidence, but I'm not such a big-head. I can accept compliments elegantly, but with great humility as well. (:

Do you have that kind of awkward response to things? I'll be more than happy to know your story! :D

I'm Just Your Average Jane

I have never quite explained before, so it's time for some revelation.

WHAT MAKES THIS BLOG, MARSHA-GO-ROUND, DIFFERENT FROM OTHER LIFESTYLE BLOGS AROUND THE NET?
It is ME who makes it different. You won't find pretty pictures here, shot by (if shot by me) an expensive SLR or even digital pocket cam. You won't find fashion shoots with luxurious, stylish clothes, nor beautiful backgrounds. You won't find stories about amazing adventures abroad, or nights spent in clubs and parties.
What will you find here?
To be honest, I'm just your 'average Jane'. It's a term used for average American (surely I'm not an American, but we're still gonna use that internationally accepted term), coming from middle or working class of the society.
My dad has long passed away, while my mother works as an elementary school teacher. We don't live wallowing in wealth, but we live just as happily. I can't afford to buy expensive clothes. Many of my clothes came from thrift shops, unbranded shops, or greatly discounted items. Some were given as presents from my relatives or friends. I can't go out as much as my other friends. And if I do, I can't really afford to buy expensive foods (unless if it has been long planned before so I can save up some of my money). I need to struggle to pay my college tuition every semester.
So, no. You won't find luxurious stories in this blog of mine (: As much as I hope for my blog to contain wonderful stories and fashion shoots, it just does not. But I don't complain. I just realize that my blog, and me, have its own power. Or uniqueness. Or whatever you wanna call it.
Why so sure???
Well, I'm pretty sure that there are many average Janes and Joes here and there. I'm pretty sure that, just like me, we all do like staring at our computer screen reading blogs with 'expensive' stories in it. Maybe we will be happy after reading them, feeling all dreamy and stuffs. But there are also times when those blogs leave us desperate to have the life pictured in it. We want the clothes! The camera! We want to visit those expensive restos/cafes! Those beautiful places abroad! And we forget to be thankful of what we have. We can't see anymore the beauty inside us. The ideal life - is one that is pictured in those pretty blogs.

WELL :D Good news! You have a friend here!
Whenever you feel that way, come visit Marsha-Go-Round and remember that you are not alone. You never walk alone. There are people who are not born rich, and need to struggle all the way to the top. But nevermind! We have beautiful dreams inside us, and it is immensely satisfying to go work make them come true, by ourselves!
I am not exquisitely pretty or stylish. But I do love fashion and vintage stuffs. I do love looking my best. I might not be able to buy those pretty branded stuffs, so I thrift similar stuffs! They can be just as beautiful, you see, but much more affordable! :D
I might not be able to visit those beautiful places abroad with money coming out of my mom's or my own pocket. So I try to have as high education as possible, make as great achievements as possible, and fight for a scholarship abroad, or maybe be sent to a competition abroad (like what I'll experience in the next month)! (;
I might not be able to pay my college tuition by myself, but I'll try with my 4.0 GPA to find a scholarship, or apply to work somewhere. Like tutoring younger kids! (: I might have to sacrifice my free time for these struggles, but I just find it worth it for some reasons. Do you?

So basically in Marsha-Go-Round, you will find a friend. A friend to fight with you, maybe share supports, experiences, lessons, things that I (maybe we!) love, or even just tips about making cheaper DIY stuffs :p

Never be ashamed of who you are. Be who you are proudly.
Life might give you lemon, but you have family and friends and maybe lover who are willing to share the lemon and make sweet lemonade out of it!
Let's be thankful for the lives given to us (': It is the best that we can have. As long as we work hard, be grateful, have the power of imagination and dreams... we'll be fine. We'll be just fine. (:



With love and hope from your loving friend,
Marsha on her Marsha-Go-Round.


PS. You might be wondering why I post this all of a sudden. Well, I just had some dark grey cloud upon me. The scholarship I received last semester might not be available for me this semester. And the due date for last payment is tomorrow. Well, can you imagine how my Mom and I freaked out??? hhas Well, but thank God, a friend of my mom's lent us some money. Compiled with our limited savings, it should be enough. We must live a lil more cautiously after this, but... hey, life is about making sacrifices here and there too, isn't it? We'll make it through. We're following the rainbow. (: God bless you all.

I'ma Be Twenty and I'll Keep Being Me

Good morning, everyone! :D
Still sleepy? :p Well, today I would like to post something I meant to post yesterday. :p Why yesterday? Because yesterday was exactly a month before I turn twenty. hhas Unfortunately, I was going out yesterday and had no time to post a longer and somewhat more serious one :D

Had a clue?
I think it is rather clear :p It's a post about transition!
Just in a month minus one day, I will turn twenty. Bye-bye ages '1-something'! :p I may seem light-hearted about this. But, to be in this state, nah, it ain't easy. Turning twenty means a big thing for me. Before, my soundtrack for turning twenty was:

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train

John Mayer - Stop This Train

Well, to me, being twenty (-something) means turning into an adult, or well, young adult. Being an adult means... I gotta make my own choice, deal with the consequences completely on my own. It means being responsible for all I do and choose, and if the consequences are bad, or not as I wanted it to be... that's for myself to take and face. No longer the protection of the 'older people', because now I AM the older people. Being twenty means being closer to leave my formal education and entering the real world: work, marriage, society. Making my own money. Enjoying my own success, or trapped in my own failures. Finding my true love and marrying him, or facing the fact that I don't find him. The world keeps on moving, ain't gonna wait for anyone, not even me.
Being a twenty(-something), I will want myself to have made or set an/some achievement(s). And what if I don't? In my formal education levels, I have managed to maintain a great performance. Good results, and being known for it. What if after I get outta school and college, I don't get that kind of 'glory'? I dream high: making my own money and be success, doing something good for the society, having my own happy marriage and family, supporting my mom so that she won't have to work by herself anymore and providing her all the good things she has dreamt of.
What if I don't get all that? Being a twenty(-something) means that I have to work on those dreams myself. No longer just dreaming them, but actually doing something to make them come true. I wondered what I would be like, how much I would change.
WHOA! Seems like a lot, no? No wonder I dreaded the day I turn twenty.
I still wanna play around and not worry that much about the consequences. I wanna make mistakes and be tolerated for them. I still wanna learn, not applying the lessons yet. Even people still mistaken me as high schooler when they see my petite appearance! hhas

But then, I came to realization.
Some of my friends have turned twenty and they haven't changed a bit. And one of them, Adela, just turned twenty last December. She, like me, also dreaded being twenty. So in my wish for her in the happy jar, to encourage her, I wrote something like this:

... Cheer up! Don't worry too much. As much as its own challenges, being twenty sure holds its own opportunities and fun.

And then it hit me. Sure! Why didn't I see it before? It would be sooo thrilling to finally truly stand on my own two feet. Like Harry Potter, like Laura Ingalls Wilder... They all stand strong on their own two feet! Sure there will be challenges, but being a teenager also has its own challenges. I just don't really worry about it anymore because... well, because I've been a teenager longer. I barely know anything about being twenty. And I will never know unless I try! Who knows there might be greater fun and opportunities there?
Leaving teenhood and entering adulthood means bye-bye fluctuating hormonal change, hello less pimples, hello places I've never been to, hello world! :D
There are even some changes I have been trying to apply to myself lately - in order to welcome the twenties. Like, realizing that some of my fears (I will probably share em in the upcoming post) are not in the other people, or things, or other outer factors, but inside me! So, to deal with it, I shall not wish that the others would stop this and that, but I shall do this, and this, and this. I have been trying to be, act and think more mature. Of course I don't always succeed in the first try, or even second, or third. But what matters most is that I keep on moving, one step at a time is perfectly fine, and I keep on trying.

Cause my new soundtrack is...

But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me

Toodles! :D

Think Good Thoughts #2

I really need to post this to stop the bad in me from feeding.

THINK GOOD THOUGHTS - COLBIE CAILLAT



...
So I'll quiet down the devil,
I'm gonna knock him with a shovel,
And I'll burry all my troubles underneath the rubble

When I'm alone in my dark dark room,
I have to tell myself to,

Think good thoughts,
Think good thoughts,
Imagine what the world would be if we would just,
Think good thoughts,
Stop the bad from feeding,

I won't let the negativity turn me into my enemy,
Promise to myself that I won't let it get the best of me,
That's how I want to be
Na, na, na, na

And when I start feeling blue,
I remember to tell myself to,

Think good thoughts,
Think good thoughts,
Imagine what the world would be if we would just,
Think good thoughts,
Stop the bad from feeding


Well, I myself have my own method of 'good thoughts'. I call it 'happy thoughts'. hhas When I am feeling blue, I will try to think of the things that make me happy. Let's list them!

Xmas, clear blue sky, funny-shaped clouds, snow dome, fireworks, stars twinkling in the night sky, soap bubbles, hot shower, good books, children in kindergarten, fireplace, looking at home decors, feeling soft breeze on my face, the atmosphere of holidays (you know, when the weather feels cold, and the the air fills your lungs, freshens them), wood cottage up on the hills, running on the beach, smelling flowers, wandering around by myself pretending that I am in an adventure, fluffy puppy snuggling in my lap, looking eyes to eyes with an elephant...

Huff. I feel so much better now (: I still have that fear curling down in my heart, but for now, I feel better.

Insecurities, Karaoke and The Nanny

Last Friday night, I watched this movie, 'You Again' on StarMovies for the first time.
Here's the storyline:
As a teenager Marni was the kind of girl no guy would go near and would be tormented by the mean girls, and no one was meaner to her than Joana the head cheerleader. Years later, she's a successful woman with a good job. When she goes home for her brother's wedding she discovers that her brother is marrying Joana. When they meet she wants Joana to apologize for the way she treated her but Joana feigns ignorance. When Marni tells her mother, Gail about her and Joana, Gail tells her to try and put it behind her. But when Gail learns that Joanna's aunt Mona is her old friend Ramona who was her friend in high school whom she had confrontation with years ago, Gail feels like Mona is trying to thumb her success in her nose. When Marni learns that Joana does remember her she sets to expose her to her brother. (Source: IMDB)

What I can relate to the most in this movie is the 'insecurities' exposed. No, I didn't get bullied in high school. But like Marni, like Gail, I do have some insecurities about myself, mostly physically. I might not be crazy about it. However, those insecurities still affect how I act in some ways. For example, I have this irrational fear of getting fat - no matter how skinny I am at the moment, like now, I weigh only 40kgs. I am also quite obsessed with my hair, making sure they're still in their place every 5 mins or so. Admit it or not, look DOES matter to me.
And, pathetic or not, I still even, mostly subconsciously, use 'look' as my barometer. I want to look my best because I need that to be comfortable around my friends, or beside my boyfriend. Admit it or not, I don't want to look under their rate, I want to be accepted to their standard, and for my boyfriend, I need to feel that I am decent enough (beautiful and smart) for him to be sure that I'm worth loving.
I remember one time when I got extra sensitive about this issue. Bitterly I admitted this weakness of mine to my boyfriend, and I remember he said, "I don't care whether you're fat or skinny. I don't care whether you look beautiful or not. You are to me. I don't care whether you're smart or not. I'm not looking for pretty girls, I'm not looking for smart girls. I love you."
I remember, with tears streaming down my face, that after he said that, I felt a huge weight was lifted from my chest. It reminded me that my look doesn't matter to those who love me the most. They will never judge me from it, such shallow factor. It reminded me to dress up and look good for myself, because I'm feeling like it; not because I need that desperately for others to accept me.
Of course, those insecurities don't just leave the house after night. I still feel that sometimes. But then I can remind myself. Thanks to you. (':

Now, on a lighter note,
I spent my Saturday night with my best friends here in Bandung. Actually, that Saturday night happened to be my sweet 16th monthsary with my boyfriend. However, we couldn't spend the night together because he had to go to Jakarta visit his mom, who had just been through a surgery. And sadly, I couldn't accompany him to Jakarta as well. )':
So, as promised to my best friends, I went karaoke with them in Paris van Java (PVJ). Thankfully, it was so FUN like madness. We sang our lungs out woohoo!
The awesome 'concert' made us like, STARVING afterwards. So we drove our way to Nanny's Pavillon Garden in Riau Street (where a large number of factory outlets and cafes in Bandung is).


Nanny's Pavillon is a themed restaurant. The one we visited last Saturday is themed 'garden'. Other themes you can find are Library (in Setiabudhi, Bandung), Barn (in Alam Sutera, Serpong), Bathroom (Pacific Place, Jakarta), and many others. The Nanny's specialties are pancakes/waffles, pasta, and baked rice. For more information, you can click here.
Here's some more glimpse of Nanny's Pavillon Garden in Riau, Bandung.


I really recommend this place. The foods are quite good and with reasonable price; for example, the menu I regularly order is spaghetti bolognese and cookies-and-cream milkshake. I especially love the ambience of this place. It suits me like, SO much. Very classical, quite vintage.


So, whenever you come to Bandung, you know you can contact me, and maybe I'll take you around! (;


A memorable song we sang in the karaoke,
Kamu sangat berarti, istimewa di hati
Selamanya rasa ini
Bila tua nanti kita t'lah hidup masing-masing
Ingatlah hari ini











You mean a lot to me, so special in my heart
This feeling is forever
When later we are old, and we're no longer together
Remember this very day
(A song dedicated to my Bandung besties)



PS. Happy sweet 16, Y. :*

Think Good Thoughts

I won't let the negativity turn me into my enemy,

Promise to myself that I won't let it get the best of me,

That's how I want to be

I'm not saying that it's easy,

Especially when I'm moody,

I might be cursing like a sailor till I remind myself I'm better,

Cause words can be like weapons,

Oh and you use them, you regret them,

Oh but I'm not gonna let them take away my heaven

And when I start feeling blue,

I remember to tell myself to,

Think good thoughts

being born a natural over-sensitive, I often let myself be defined by my emotion. watching sad movies (or even happy-ending movies, mind you!), listening to touching music, seeing happy old couple... yes, even simple stuffs like that.

be it sadness, joy, agony, anger, hurt; my emotion comes first. true that I don't always show them, especially the sad and painful, to just about everyone. the heroic reason behind this, of course, is to make sure that people don't have to worry about me. that I don't want to burden people's mind, or steal their precious time. the side reason, in the meanwhile, is that sometimes, owning up weaknesses make them more inevitable. with all these in mind, I am reserved to keep almost everything to myself (and few others with special privilege to some parts of my heart). 

I do not want to be weak by showing that I am in pain, or something is bugging me. but instead, by keeping all the negativity inside myself, it weakens me from deep within. and the loved ones closest to me, often get their 'parts' from this over-emotional me. my mother, mbok, my boyfriend, sometimes my soul sister. sometimes they just get a light silence from emotional-me-level-1. sometimes, when the emotional-me-level-2 shows up, they get cold answers. but on the rare occasion when emotional-me-level-XXX shows up (not to mention when the 'monthly-guest' shows up in the same time), they can get completely irrational behavior from me. be it harsh talk, angry outburst, unexpected tears. 

like what's been said in the song, 'words can be like weapons'. when I am surrounded with negativity, I can use words without thinking. not necessarily cursing words like 'sh*t' or 'f*ck'. just regular vocabulary, but with 'admirable' accuracy and acuity, accompanied with 'admirably' acute tone, that's able to hurt someone. yes, words I cannot take back. words and tones I can only regret right afterwards. for the shortest of moments it feels satisfying, to launch those knife-sharp words. it humors the anger inside me. it feeds the negativity inside me. at the cost of hurting my loved ones. I have made my mother cried when we had this huge fight back then, you see.

have you ever felt such things? have you ever experienced that yourself?

I think everyone has, at least once. or if you have not, you probably will. (or maybe that's just something I come up with to comfort myself). 

Well, the song above (Think Good Thoughts by Colbie Caillat) holds the answer. especially to me. every time I feel negativity creeps in, I always try to think good thoughts. when those evil words and tones crawl up to my head, ready to launch, I shut my lips tight and think happy thoughts. silence is better at times like this. it serves the time needed to resort my thoughts. 

It is not easy, I assure you. but what's life, without the journey to find the true self? The true self with unlimited potentials, unlimited good's, ready to unleash. I may fail here and there. I may fall down. I may lose the battle once or twice. but (hopefully I'll always remember this), I will not stop. I will not let negativity takes the better of me (especially at the cost of hurting my loved ones). 

I will think good thoughts.

I'm not saying that it's easy,

Especially when I'm moody,

I might be cursing like a sailor till I remind myself I'm better,

Cause words can be like weapons,

Oh and you use them, you regret them,

Oh but I'm not gonna let them take away my heaven

originally posted on Doodleyscratch on Sept 3, 2011