Still sleepy? :p Well, today I would like to post something I meant to post yesterday. :p Why yesterday? Because yesterday was exactly a month before I turn twenty. hhas Unfortunately, I was going out yesterday and had no time to post a longer and somewhat more serious one :D
Had a clue?
I think it is rather clear :p It's a post about transition!
Just in a month minus one day, I will turn twenty. Bye-bye ages '1-something'! :p I may seem light-hearted about this. But, to be in this state, nah, it ain't easy. Turning twenty means a big thing for me. Before, my soundtrack for turning twenty was:
So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train
John Mayer - Stop This Train
Well, to me, being twenty (-something) means turning into an adult, or well, young adult. Being an adult means... I gotta make my own choice, deal with the consequences completely on my own. It means being responsible for all I do and choose, and if the consequences are bad, or not as I wanted it to be... that's for myself to take and face. No longer the protection of the 'older people', because now I AM the older people. Being twenty means being closer to leave my formal education and entering the real world: work, marriage, society. Making my own money. Enjoying my own success, or trapped in my own failures. Finding my true love and marrying him, or facing the fact that I don't find him. The world keeps on moving, ain't gonna wait for anyone, not even me.
Being a twenty(-something), I will want myself to have made or set an/some achievement(s). And what if I don't? In my formal education levels, I have managed to maintain a great performance. Good results, and being known for it. What if after I get outta school and college, I don't get that kind of 'glory'? I dream high: making my own money and be success, doing something good for the society, having my own happy marriage and family, supporting my mom so that she won't have to work by herself anymore and providing her all the good things she has dreamt of.
What if I don't get all that? Being a twenty(-something) means that I have to work on those dreams myself. No longer just dreaming them, but actually doing something to make them come true. I wondered what I would be like, how much I would change.
WHOA! Seems like a lot, no? No wonder I dreaded the day I turn twenty.
I still wanna play around and not worry that much about the consequences. I wanna make mistakes and be tolerated for them. I still wanna learn, not applying the lessons yet. Even people still mistaken me as high schooler when they see my petite appearance! hhas
But then, I came to realization.
Some of my friends have turned twenty and they haven't changed a bit. And one of them, Adela, just turned twenty last December. She, like me, also dreaded being twenty. So in my wish for her in the happy jar, to encourage her, I wrote something like this:
... Cheer up! Don't worry too much. As much as its own challenges, being twenty sure holds its own opportunities and fun.
And then it hit me. Sure! Why didn't I see it before? It would be sooo thrilling to finally truly stand on my own two feet. Like Harry Potter, like Laura Ingalls Wilder... They all stand strong on their own two feet! Sure there will be challenges, but being a teenager also has its own challenges. I just don't really worry about it anymore because... well, because I've been a teenager longer. I barely know anything about being twenty. And I will never know unless I try! Who knows there might be greater fun and opportunities there?
Leaving teenhood and entering adulthood means bye-bye fluctuating hormonal change, hello less pimples, hello places I've never been to, hello world! :D
There are even some changes I have been trying to apply to myself lately - in order to welcome the twenties. Like, realizing that some of my fears (I will probably share em in the upcoming post) are not in the other people, or things, or other outer factors, but inside me! So, to deal with it, I shall not wish that the others would stop this and that, but I shall do this, and this, and this. I have been trying to be, act and think more mature. Of course I don't always succeed in the first try, or even second, or third. But what matters most is that I keep on moving, one step at a time is perfectly fine, and I keep on trying.
Cause my new soundtrack is...
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me
Toodles! :D
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